The Panama Canal loomed ahead. Be on deck by seven A.M if you want to see it all, I was told.  Who in their right mind would get up so early, even if it were Lady Godiva riding a mermaid at the mouth of the canal? I got up at seven.
Well, I thought. Since I’m sort of awake, I might get some exercise and race around the deck. Who knows? Maybe one other idiot is awake.
I had the deck to myself. No other passengers believed the captain and they were right. It would be another hour before we approached the entrance. Sunrays couldn’t penetrate the mist that engulfed the ship and water around it. Dim light emanated from the fog, but that was enough to allow me to see twenty or thirty feet ahead except there was nothing to see.  On the steps of a door leading to the main dining room, a brightness appeared. It was a young blonde woman in a white dress. We smiled at each other and the whole ship sparkled.
We passed and I increased my pace in order to see her on the other side of the deck. I saw no one so I hurried back to where she stood when I did see her. No flash of sunshine.
“Maybe I had a hallucination,” I murmured.  The canal had lost its fascination for me.
I needed no special inducement to get me on the deck early the next morning. On the same steps, the vision appeared. This time I stopped and spoke to her. “You are like a bit of sunshine dressed as you are in white and so beautiful and bright.”
“Thank you,” she answered and gave me another heavenly smile.
 I raced around the deck but she was gone again. I searched among the passengers all that day but saw no trace of her. Five more days left of the voyage and I looked everywhere for the vision. Once I thought I caught sight of her in a crew’s section of the ship, but when I asked someone to ask her to come and speak to me, he reported, there was no one there.”
I disembarked and returned to my ordinary routine. The memory of that apparition haunted me for a couple of days and then merged with the other fading thoughts of an enjoyable vacation. Occasionally she appeared in my imagination but the feeling she evoked was vague and eventually disappeared. 
 Work became more and more difficult. Vague feelings pulled at my mind and I began dreaming of another trip on the ocean. Two years after the first voyage, I was back on the Queen Elizabeth 2 on my way to Australia. My feelings became less vague and more powerful. I belonged here.
Early the first morning at sea, I headed for the boat deck for a few laps and peered into the faces of everyone I could see. She was not there. Each morning I arose earlier and walked with anticipation, but my apparition never appeared.
We left Hawaii on a dreary morning. A heavy mist enveloped the ship but I entered the boat deck aware that a strange sensation settled in my chest. She would appear. I knew it. I knew it with every fiber of my being. Around the deck I walked once. Twice. There was the brightness I had dreamed about so many times. I approached and the radiance I remembered shone from her whole presence.
“You are as lovely as I remember. Are you real or are you a ghost?”
“I’m not sure. You are the only person I have spoken with in a long time.”
“What happened to you?” I asked.
“I’m not certain. I must go now.”
She was gone. I searched every part of the boat deck but could find no trace of her. The sun dissipated the mist although it could not do away with the cloud in my heart.
I began the long and complicated process of gaining access to the captain. It took two sunshine filled days to gain an audience with him. We met in one of the high priced lounges; one that my budget kept me out.
“Captain, is there a history of any ghost aboard this ship? I asked.
“Not that I have heard,” was his reply.
“Has there ever been a report of one? Has there ever been an unsolved murder aboard?”
“I have heard some rumors that many years ago, a person disappeared from the ship, but there was never any proof of foul play or of any passengers or crew missing. I’ll check with some of the old timers and see if I can learn anything more. Now, why do you want to know?”
“This is my second trip on the ship and I believe I have seen something twice last time and again on the trip.”
The officer replied, “I’d celebrate a little less in the evening and get more sleep. Meanwhile, I’ll check.”
 
We had smooth sailing to American Samoa with bright sunshine every morning. Late one afternoon, I received a note to meet the Captain at the same place as before. I felt like I was coming up in the world.
“Sit down and let me buy you a drink,” I was greeted by the Captain. “I have done some investigating and it seems that on the ship’s second voyage from South Hampton to New York, a young woman may have disappeared. There a few details, but no one admits to having ever seen her on board.
“The crew carried out a thorough search, but could find no trace of her or that she had ever been aboard. She may have even been a he for all they knew. No one on either side of the Atlantic ever made any inquiry about a missing person. That’s a much as I could find out. May I repeat my advice of our previous meeting? Get plenty of rest and avoid the booze.”
Morning at sea after Samoa was dreary and sunless. By five-thirty I was on the deck, theoretically exercising, but actually seeking. My heart pounded as if I had run five miles and my breath came faster than usual. A strange sensation filled me. I knew I would see her.
I saw it. A brightness, then as I got closer, a radiance. She greeted me with a warm smile and a “Hello.”
I halted a few feet from her and held out my hand for her to take. She gave me a wan smile and shook he head slowly. In a voice like the trill of a bluebird she said, “I don’t think you can feel my touch. I would love to experience your warmth, but for some reason, it doesn’t work.”
I couldn’t move but remained bathed in her otherworldly aura. My mind became clearer than ever before and my body was filled with ecstasy. This must be what heaven is like, I thought. She must be an angel.
With a Herculean effort, I managed to speak. “Please don’t leave, I’ve been searching for you since the first time I saw you. How can I manage to keep you near me while we get to know each other?”
“I can’t control how long I may stay, but I’ll try.”
The music of her words sent a thrill through my body. It was a sensation I had never experienced. I felt a flood of exhilaration as if I had just reached the peak of a high mountain or won a difficult race. My mind blanked and I faced her like a teenager on his first date. No words came from me.
“I remember that I saw you before. I think it was on another voyage, but I cannot be certain. For some reason, I am unable to recall all events in their proper order.”
“You are right. I saw you the last time I was on this ship. I told you how beautiful you were and you still take my breath away.
“What’s your name?”
“I believe my name is Gabrielle, but has been so long since I heard it that I’m not certain.”
I reached to take her hand, but she moved away. “Gabrielle it shall be. How did you come to be here and how long have you been on this ship?”
“I must leave now. I’ll try my best to be here tomorrow.”
The vision vanished and my spirits dropped lower than the boat’s keel. I spent the rest of the day in my cabin; my head filled with a million questions I wanted to ask Gabrielle.
I awoke well before dawn and rushed to the boat deck in the usual mist where I paced for what seemed like hours. My spirits rose and fell in rhythm with the ocean’s rolling motion. Before the faint glow of the sunrise, she appeared.
“Gabrielle!” I shouted, joy in my voice. “I’m so happy to see you.”
She said nothing, but showered me with a heavenly smile. Somehow, she seemed more substantial today. She stepped toward me and reached out both hands. I took them in mine and felt the warmth of humanity. Tucking her arm under mine we strolled around the deck. She listened and I babbled. Finally she stopped and turned to stared into my face.
“I have no idea what happened to me, but I do remember I was on my way to America with my fiancé to be married. We only had enough money for one ticket so he smuggled me aboard.”
We stopped and stared at the pink glow at the horizon.
“Once I was aboard and we were sailing, it was easy for me to go with him to the buffet and get food. One evening, after we made love, he left me in the stateroom for about an hour. When he returned, he had the strangest look on his face. His eyes were filled with misery and anger as he laid me on the bed. He whispered how much he loved me and then held a pillow over my mouth and nose.”
I wrapped my arms around her to still her shuddering body. She sobbed and continued.
“I struggled as long as I could, and then there was blackness. I had no awareness for I don’t know how long, but eventually I became filled with a strange sort of consciousness. Somehow, I realized that I was no longer alive but I was surrounded by life, as I knew it. It took me a long time to realize that I must be a ghost. Time has no meaning for me now. I only know that it will take something or someone special to release me.
“I feel no anger toward my fiancé. He may very well be dead also, as far as I know. When you spoke to me, I knew you are a special being and a spark of feeling returned to me.”
“Oh Gabrielle, I want with my whole soul to help you because I have been in love with you since that first time I saw you on the deck. Why don’t you come stay with me now?”
“I’m afraid that’s impossible.  I don’t yet have control over my ability to materialize. In fact, I must leave you now. I think I feel love for you also. Goodbye for now.”
She faded and disappeared.
 
Except for seeking Gabrielle on deck each morning, I spent the next two days in my stateroom trying to understand what had happened and what was happening to me. How had I gotten to this place and why? I was only a struggling writer who had won a charity lottery for a cruise. How would it be possible for this heavenly vision to care for me even a little?
I dozed. I paced the cabin. I tried but failed to read. Had I slipped over the edge into insanity? Eventually, my mind ceased functioning and I fell into a deep dreamless sleep.
She was there when I came through the door to the deck, and she was not enshrouded in mist. The sunshine surrounded her like a full body halo and her open arms invited me to enter the gates to Eden. Our lips met and a tremor shook me as if I had touched an electric wire.
“What happened?” I asked.
“I’m not sure, but for some reason I have more control over my body and mind. I feel a deep love for you and want to be with you.”
Her words sounded like they came from one of my second rate novels. A deep pull said, “Let go. Love her wherever it leads.”
Something else said, “Careful. This can’t be happening. You are going down a steep slope; one that you may not be able to climb back.”
My face was buried in her hair as I whispered, “Let’s go to my cabin where we can talk and really get to know each other. No one will bother us there. Come.”
I pulled her hand but she didn’t really resist. No one saw us when we descended the elevator and settled in my room.
“This is all so familiar to me,” she said. “I remember doing just what we did today. It was so long ago. I feel something is going to happen.”
“Nothing else will happen,” I assured her. “Why don’t you tell me just what happened to you.”
Gabrielle took my left hand in hers and held it oh so gently. My eyes were locked into hers and she spoke in only a whisper. “Please. Not yet. I’m afraid that if I relate the details, something disastrous will happen.”
The pleading hurt flowed from he face to my heart. I gathered her in both arms, stroked her hair and murmured soothing sounds into her ear. She relaxed and lifted her lips to mine. We kissed and I experienced a thrill, not of passion, but of rapture. My skin tingled and my brain became clearer than it had ever felt. My whole being became unfamiliar to me and I swam in the ecstasy of her kiss,
Gabrielle pulled away but I remained on the outskirts of heaven. We sat on the edge of the bed, sun shining through the porthole, and stared at each other. Abruptly she exclaimed, “I must leave you now, I’ll try to join you tomorrow.” She disappeared.
I remained in the room, stunned and devastated. How could she leave when I needed her so badly? What evil force had control over her? How could I free her for me?
I raced through all kinds of possibilities but knew I had no idea what was ruling her life. I would have to endure the long hours until tomorrow.
 
I was awakened by a soft kiss on my cheek. Gabrielle was kneeling at the foot of my bed looking at me with a quizzical smile. I encircled her with both arms, pulled her to me and enjoyed a lingering kiss. “Now disappear for a few minutes while I dress,” I said. She left and I quickly pulled on the clothes I wore yesterday. I’d better lay out my clothes the night before if she pops in like that.
Since my stateroom had no chair, we sat on the edge of the bed.  “I think I can tell you a little of what happened to me. Please don’t interrupt until I’m finished. This will be hard for me to recall and relate.”
We spent the whole morning on that bed. I listened. She talked.
 
Gabrielle’s face lost some of its sparkle as she began her tale. “I was born in a small town near Paris. It was a town of artists. Claude Monet had lived there and consequentially every little boy and girl wanted to be an artist. I was no different, so my twin sister and I played with paint that we found everywhere in town. I kept at it until I started school and then my teachers said I had talent. My parents were tickled and sent me to be trained as an artist.”
She pulled her hand from mine and went to the porthole and stared out. Gabrielle turned again to face me and her face still lacked the glow I had come to expect.
“I went to Paris to study and was entered in my first show. My piece received good notices and one man seemed to be interested in it. John, he was an American, made sure he met me and asked me to dinner. I was flattered and soon we were seeing each other regularly. By this time I was head over heels in love with him and he appeared to be in love with me.
“I saw by his living quarters that he was not wealthy, but he was not poor either. Soon, I was living with him and he proposed marriage. I was thrilled and asked, ‘When’?” He said as soon as we get to his home in New Jersey. He had a ticket for passage on the Queen Elizabeth’s maiden voyage. He would sneak me aboard and I would stay in his cabin and eat at the buffet so no one would become suspicious. I agreed and it worked perfectly. The second day out, I told him I was pregnant and he became furious, then he made love to me and said everything would be all right. He left the cabin for a while and when he returned he smothered me as I told you before.”
This time I got up and poured myself a glass of wine. She still was not eating or drinking. Gabrielle continued.
“I became unconscious and knew nothing until I found myself drifting in the air at the edge of a beautiful garden. I floated through the trees and bushes and felt nothing. I willed myself back to the ship and saw myself in a lifeboat but all was different. Colors were missing. Sound was distant. There was no smell of the sea. The thought came to me that I was dead but it aroused no emotion.
“Occasionally, I managed to materialize when no one was near but I had no control over when or where. That morning when you saw me, I had materialized involuntarily, and when you spoke to me a touch of humanness went through me. It disappeared immediately. I no longer saw you on the ship, but I waited and I hoped. Deep within me I knew that you were the answer to my semi-death, semi-life.”
Gabrielle took my hands in hers and held them tight. A bit of shine filled her body and I was rewarded with one of her glorious smiles.
“I know you are my future and I give myself to you only if you give yourself to me completely. I have no idea if I will be granted life or you must die to join me. I only know if I am ever to find peace and rest, it will be with someone who truly loves me. It will be someone with whom I can be one and he can be one with me. I love you and can’t bear to see you die to be with me. Our only hope is for your love to be great enough to overcome my curse and undo the murder and betrayal.”
I pulled her down to the bed and rocked her like a baby. Tears rolled down her cheeks; another sign of humanity. We made love for hours and she whispered to me, “I am having feelings and sensations that I haven’t had since that terrible night. Perhaps I am being reborn.”
I sat up and examined her carefully. Her radiance was gone and in its place was the glow of a healthy young woman. She held out her arms and shouted, “I’m free! I’m free!”
First her head, then the rest of her body began to shine with a brightness that almost blinded me.
“Oh my darling, you have given me my normal rest and peace, but I must leave you forever.” Gabrielle slowly faded from view.
 
I booked passage over and over but never saw Gabrielle again. I went back to writing and now my work was in demand. My books were published and sold. Articles were accepted by most of the major newspapers and magazines. Occasionally, I would see a white glow as I worked, but nothing ever appeared. Still, I felt a pull I could not identify. I was restless. Success didn’t satisfy the yearning within me.
Paris, I thought. Maybe I can find peace where Gabrielle worked. Off I went to Paris. I haunted the art galleries but no one knew of her. In desperation, I went to the village where she said she had grown up. I was directed to a small house not far from Claude Monet’s home. A woman in her fifties answered my knock. I gasped because in front of me stood an older Gabrielle.
“You must be her twin, Michelle,” I managed to say.
The woman paled. You are talking about Gabrielle? What do you know of her? She disappeared years ago and we had no word until this instant.”
I sat in the living room with Michelle and her father and told them the strange story. The details fit in with what they had put together and quickly we were all crying.
A young woman came in through the kitchen and my mouth opened and I gasped. It was Gabrielle.
“This is my daughter, Rochelle. She was born about the same time Gabrielle disappeared and she is an artist also.”
Our eyes met and Rochelle extended her hand to me. In purple eyes, I saw a radiant glow. She smiled a warm smile and said, “It is so good to meet you. I feel as if I already know you.”
I could see her body engulfed in a bright glow as she stepped toward me.

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